All my life I have wondered on this.
What my purpose is, where will I make a difference.
I have sat and waited for something to happen. Longing.
I have asked for guidance and wondered often how come others find it so easy to find purpose and meaning in their life when nothing comes to me.
I feel adrift. Others too – the writer Dean Dwyer has written about this concluding:
“For starters I realised that most of the information on finding purpose is misleading because that information is geared to the fortunate few who know what their passion is. Its not much help if you have not figured that out yet. I also realised that there was no framework of system for finding purpose. People tell you to find it but provide no tools or strategies on how the heck you are supposed to do that. Age is not the determining factor for venturing out and finding your purpose. It is a willingness to live on the edges of your life and tap into the potential of who you can be regardless of your age”
And I begin to understand that my purpose is to stay open to grace.
For me, it’s evolution not revolution.
For me, the biggest challenge in this wonderful life is to show up fully in every moment.
And I’m still learning to surrender and drop down into that.
When I was in my thirties, I first began to look for meaning in life.
A failed love affair set in motion the slow break up of my first marriage – it took time and two new babies to figure out I wasn’t where I wanted to be.
During those years, I learned to ascend and sought out a Teacher for guidance and he came to me in the form of Maharishi Krishnananda Ishaya.
But I was not ready for him and found myself drifting into something that required all of me to commit and I was frightened and left empty handed.
Actually, I ran – I was so scared – I ran for my life – I ran away from the Ishayas -from my mentors, my Teacher, my family, my name – all the time looking back over my shoulder – and I have never stopped running since.
Except when I write.
Only in these moments do I remember the stillness and the power of now.
And I breathe into this and I wonder full circle for purpose and meaning and understanding in this one wild and precious life.